I've shared before that last year was really hard as a musician. I was dealing with grief and medical condition/recovery from treatment. One of the first things that happened when my condition started being an issue was that I was dealing with stage fright way more often than I had before. I always felt a rush before going on stage and might feel a little nervous, but never to the point that I didn't want to do it. When things started going wrong physically, however, stage fright became a normal part of my life. Mainly because I knew I was never prepared enough (not able to practice until I was confident due to pain) and not being able to trust my body to follow through and do what I asked it. That was incredibly frustrating. I always had loved both practicing and performing and both were being taken away from me.
Now, I've healed from the surgery and the medical issues are not causing such problems. It's great. I can get back to my life. But I have lost a lot of ground. When I play, I feel rusty. When I think about performing, I doubt myself. Now, I'm back to playing the "inner game of music." The battle is in my head. It's what I tell myself that makes all the difference. This is what I was trained for. This is what I know how to do. I'm building up my skills again. I'm retraining my body and mind for performance. Look out, world, I'm back!
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