I hear this statement relatively often and normally accompanied by tears. This is normally where I wish I had a psychology degree and could legitimately put on a "therapist hat," but all I can do is put on my empathetic teacher hat and try to find a way to help the student get through it and show them that they CAN do it, just maybe not yet. How do I normally handle these situations? If it not a student who has a history of dramatic displays that are clearly attempts at emotional manipulation (which exist, but also may be having other issues that need to be addressed as well, so I still tend to take the same approach).
1) Find out if it is really the song or skill that they are frustrated about. Sometimes there is something else going on in their lives that is really what is bothering them, but a correction of scale fingering is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and I'm the one who gets to figure that out. If it is something else, I let them know that they can talk to me if they need to, but they also can try to put it aside for the rest of the lesson and focus on something they can control instead of whatever else is bothering them.
2) If it is indeed the song or skill, I then work with them to figure out what exactly is so difficult. Is it a particular passage? Do they feel overwhelmed by the length of the song? Is is because it's for a recital and they are getting nervous about performing? Is there something they are confident doing yet? Once we break it down to what the real problem is (which normally isn't "I can't do it" or "It's too hard.") then we can find a strategy to overcome it. Sometimes the problem is that they didn't really practice how you told them too, so then the responsibility lands squarely in their laps and they have to deal with it. Sometimes, I didn't explain it in a way that they understood, so then it's my job to reteach and make sure they get it this time.
3) If it's an attitude issue, I normally point out that putting it off, not practicing it, wasting the lesson time is only prolonging it. If a student truly hates a song, I normally won't force it beyond making sure that they get the skill the song is intended to teach/develop. It's up to them to buck up and put in the work so they don't have to do that one anymore. When they slack and don't bother to practice it, that's when the song they don't like sticks around for 3 or 4 weeks instead of one or two.
4) And if I can't figure out what's really causing the tears, it's fine. Sometimes you just need a cry, and I'm glad that my students feel safe enough with me to have it during a lesson. Not exactly how either of us would chose to spend our time together, but I won't pretend that I haven't been the student crying over a minor scale, when that really wasn't what I was upset about at all but that's when it all came spilling out. It's fine. Next week will be better :).
Comments